Soul Kate Vol 14: A Merry or Marred Xmas

By Kate Henshaw

“THIS IS UTTER RUBBISH! IS THERE ANY SENSE IN THIS? THE OLD PLATE NUMBER READS, XA100KJA WHILE THE NEWLY INTRODUCED PLATE READS, KJA100XA!”…
It read and it continued “Are you ready to pay between N35k-N70k to re-register your already registered car? Are you ready to be ripped off by an executive cartel who seeks only to line their pockets with proceeds of the new scam? Remember the Red Reflector sticker scam that the FRSC illegally enforced till it was scrapped?
Now is the time to resist unreasonable policies of an insensitive executive. Say NO to a newlpolicy for registered cars!!! Please re-broadcast.”

That was the message being sent round on blackberry for the past week. Why the need for re-registering? Already registered cars are in the system and plates would have been produced with these in mind. All one needed would be proof of registration to pick up the new plate.
At a time when the yuletide spirit should fill the air amidst the tinsel and lights round the Christmas trees in the shops and the splendid street decorations. People are hardly taking note, rather their minds are filled with how to cope with the back breaking and mind boggling policies that will have an effect on all but the powers that be.

How can you think of rice and turkey at a time like this? Christmas for me is a time to unwind with family and friends, remember the birth of Jesus who came to save the world from destruction, be merry and contemplate on how the year has been so far but even that solitude is taken away, and there seems to be no respite. I always look forward to Christmas time as everyone shouts out ”Merry Christmas” to you, the markets are making brisk business from the sale of hampers, cards, Christmas decor fill the supermarket shelves to overflowing and Christmas songs are played on the radio and wherever you go.

It is with dread I look forward to this Christmas as in exactly eight days time, the Lekki Concession Company will begin to collect toll on the Lekki- Epe Expressway despite the whole project not being completed, a Lagos based lawyer saying that the matter with regards to the toll was in court and that though he respected the Governor of Lagos as an individual, he did not see him as someone who could flout the constituted authority of the court, lack of an alternative route should you decide not to pay the toll which is what is obtainable the world over. I shudder to think of the traffic that will ensue when drivers start looking for change to go through the toll or drive into the E-tag lane without the presence of a tag on their cars!

I see some cars have already started sporting the new number plates. How easy we give into things in this country, we just cannot be bothered to ask questions. “Abeg I no fit shout” someone said to me when I struck up a conversation about it the other day, “if dem arrest me nko? You know say you be celeb so you no get problem?” What has that got to do with the price of fish? I am not exempted from these rules; I feel like a blind follower who has no choice as to which way to go and I wish our leaders would be more humane and thoughtful when they just roll out new policies that govern our everyday lives.

The basic salary approved by the Federal Government is yet to be implemented and some state governors are saying they cannot even pay 18,000naira but 10,000naira per month! How far will 10,000 Naira, or even the “approved” 18,000 Naira go with all these unsolicited expenditure?
Let us not forget the fuel subsidy removal that will hit us in January ( I mean those of us who are not in government). The so called nameless and faceless cabal that will be stopped in their tracks once the subsidy is removed must be shaking in their boots but I doubt that very much. What a happy new year indeed to look forward to. The Federal roads that have claimed the lives of countless Nigerians will have the introduction of tolls next year.

What happened to billions of naira that have been allocated, approved and probably “spent” on the repair of the roads? Need we continue to weep over the matter? I have no more tears to cry for my country, just a++* disillusioned and numb state of mind. Do we need to have a Syrian/Libyan/Egyptian uprising? How bad does it have to get before we say we cannot carry the load any longer? The Bible says that weeping may endure for a season but joy comes in the morning. I see no joy in sight.

All I see is doom and gloom. Conversation is going round endlessly on all of the above but it seems to fall on deaf ears. We seem to be led by the nose to a dark room where we will be for a very long time. Murmuring is not enough but that seems to be the only way we as Nigerians show our discontent. We argue among ourselves about the state of the nation and shake our fists at our leaders for not leading us aright, aptly put by the great Fela who called it “suffering and smiling”.
I have mentioned in this column before that the change we seek starts from each of us. If we do not intend to do anything about the harrowing situations we face, then by all means let us keep mute

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Soul Kate Vol 13: Necessary Evils

By Kate Henshaw

They are in our homes and in the work place. We complain incessantly about them but we still keep them on. We feel somewhat helpless without them but with each day, they remain with us, we curse, shout and swear. They are our nannies, cooks and drivers.
Some of us have two, even three, depending on how many kids we have or how busy our schedule is. They are in uniform and have access to our most secret places, maybe even the combination of our safe.


We leave our children and husbands in their care and head off to work, to our businesses and God help you should you fall into the hands of the really calculating and devilish ones. For as long as I can remember growing up, we had a house girl or house help or maid or nanny whichever name suits.


She would help out with the meals at home, wash and iron our clothes and watch over us when we got back from school while our parents were still at work. Life was simple then.


They just did their jobs and when they got lazy, it would just be a matter of return to sender and a replacement came. There would be no need to involve the police or employ an investigator to check that they did not steal from us or run away with our children.


I will start with my own story. Many years ago, I had a cook cum cleaner named Matthew. He was from Cotonou. He was quite docile and could hardly communicate in English fluently except French but we made do. He said he could cook continental dishes and maybe a few African dishes. I was desperate and so I employed him. He was one of the slowest human beings I had come across.
He was never where he was supposed to be, could hardly clean my home or iron well and could only cook spaghetti and meatballs! During the weekends, I would teach him how to prepare other meals and keep watch over his cleaning duties.


Little did I know that he was just biding his time, till he would make a clean getaway with all the money and jewellery I kept at home.
I had gone out as usual to attend to my daily business and left Matthew with a list of chores to do. When I got back a few hours later, I met my front door slightly ajar.


I did not think anything of it. The dustpan and brush were at the door as I pushed in and immediately I called out his name to scold him for being lax with the security of my home.
I called out his name a few more times but there was no response.My heart started beating wildly and I made a mad dash to my bedroom, opened my wardrobe and a knowing dread crept through me as I lifted my jewellery box and it dangled in my hands like a feather.


I searched further for my stash of emergency funds in case of strikes, holidays and the like but only an empty bag starred back at me. I then ran to the boys’ quarters to check if he was there (I should not have bothered) but his room was empty. On enquiring from the security man, he had simply walked out with a nylon bag in hand and said he was going to the market.


I was distraught! Needless to say, I could not trace him despite going to his country’s embassy to try and locate him in his country. He had crossed the border and I would have to pay money to locate him and also keep him in jail when I found him. I gave up and vowed never to have someone from that region work for me again. I have also never kept “stuff” at home again!
Numerous stories abound about the bad experiences people in their homes suffer at the hands of those they have entrusted with their lives literally. They steal from you, lie to you, and try to cheat you, no matter how nice or caring you are to them.


I never raised a hand to my cook/cleaner; I would only scold him as I do not believe in being cruel to another human being. Some would say because you are mean to them, they would turn on you like a maltreated animal in the zoo but why would they turn on you when you take them as one of your own, clothe them, feed them(despite they earn wages), travel on holiday with them?


It is no different with drivers as well who have control of our vehicles and get into unnecessary skirmishes and accidents with other road users when we send them on an errand, who try to make a fast buck by colluding with the mechanic or who in recent times kidnap our children and demand a ransom! (I am without a driver now, sort of a sabbatical so I maintain some kind of sanity).
Let me mention here that not all of them are bad. I also know of a few who are loyal and dedicated, who stay with you for years till they are old and grey.


Those who have raised all of your kids with you and you have taken care of their own children by sending them to school, taking care of their medical bills, etc.
In all of these experiences whether good or bad, I always say that God is the ultimate protector of our lives. Except the Lord keeps watch over the city, he that doeth so, does it in vain.


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Soul Kate Vol 11: A Precarious Crown

By Kate Henshaw

Kate Henshaw

The world is a stage and everyone is an actor. When the light comes on, that is your opportunity to play a character, become someone else for a time limit and prove your mettle as you convince the audience that you are the character you portray. At the end of your performance, you take a bow and are either booed or applauded for doing a shoddy or great job.

Reality is a whole different ball game. When you come off the stage, the euphoria and accolades stay with you for a while, and it is quite intoxicating. When you get to your dressing room to get out of the costume, you look in the mirror and say to yourself “I did that, I am the one they stood up for” and you are quite proud of your accomplishments. You pick up your belongings and leave for your home; back to your loved ones who know the real you and you do not put up a front for. They know that you do not have two pennies to rub together because you are yet to be paid for the performance you just put up or that your bank account is bulging, but you have so many projects and bills that need your attention, plus the need to relax which is good for your health.

Growing up, I remember telling my dad that I wanted to be a musician (laugh out loud). I was always singing in the shower and felt I had a great voice. He would have none of it and said to me that my choice was a definite no-no. He threatened to stop paying my school fees in the University if I proceeded with that dream. The case is different these days, things have changed tremendously. Nigerian Musicians are paid top dollar to mount the stage and perform, even to make an appearance at a private party. Nigerian music holds sway in the night clubs, weddings and other events. The film industry I belong to aka Nollywood has also come into its own in its twenty something years of existence, commanding respect and appreciation from people the world over. Our films have reached the length and breadth of the world. We are being compared to our Hollywood counterparts but there is really no need for comparison as we do not command the kind of resources they have and the life style they live. Their every whim and caprice is indulged and they start trends which the ‘common man’ so to speak, or their fans aspire to and adopt. They are taken at their word and so much is expected of them.

Let us come down to earth and think of the human element here. Celebrities or “stars” do not possess super human powers; they cannot not just lift off the earth and soar into the skies if they so desire. In Nigeria for example, we have tradition, culture, family and religion to think of. We are looked at as role models to the youth who watch us and aspire to be who we are and do what we do. A lot of young people these days are abandoning professions such as medicine, law, engineering to become actors, musicians and comedians mostly for the glitz, glamour… and of course, monetary gains but unaware of the unpalatable aspect of it. You are held under the microscope as a specimen and prodded constantly with lies, insinuations and judged. The strength to maintain your dignity and stand tall through it all is hard to imagine but you must find it and through all the mudslinging keep your cool. You love your work; you are great at it and want that to be the focus rather than your personal life. It is almost impossible as the Pull Him Down Syndrome (PHD) is a thirsty spirit that is insatiable. It rejoices at your mistakes, sneers at you and is boastful of its power over you. There is a saying that when you point a finger at someone, four more point back to you. This is true literally and of course what goes around comes around as sure as a fan oscillates, the breeze will get around.

Who knows what tomorrow holds but the Creator… Who can say tomorrow I will be here and I will do this and that except by His divine grace and mercy. Let he that standeth take heed lest he fall. When you are an actor, playing different roles, looking glamorous and feeling that the world is your oyster, getting adoration from your fans and admirers, touch as many lives as you can, be an agent of change, correct wrongs and uphold the right way, put your weight behind great causes. Hopefully the lives you touch or inspire might just be the ones you save. The most important people in your life are your family and maybe a few good friends and they accept you just the way you are, stand by you no questions asked.

Chin up, take the licking and keep on ticking. Today’s news will be in tomorrow’s rubbish bin. “If nobody talk about you, then you are nobody”
–Tuface Idibia.

Source: http://www.katehenshaw.com

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Soul_Kate VOL. 2:: POWER AND MONEY…

Written By Kate Henshaw | Published on Saturday Vanguard 17th Sept 2011

When I was approached to write this article, I did not think I could do it. My first attempt at writing anything was at the behest of my sister’s friend, Nonye, to write for a free paper Wakapedia. I wrote on fitness. I was asked to come up with a name for this column and I hooked up with two good friends, Folake and Funke. We kept vigil for 3days and 3nights before the light bulb went off in Folake’s brain and she whispered it but Funke echoed/shouted it out and the name SOULKATE was born! Sorry folks, I tweaked it a bit, (laugh out loud). It took only a few minutes for the name to be born and so here I am. Now that I have hit the limelight so to speak, now that I have the power of the pen as they say it is mightier than the sword, will I wield it against all those who have sought my downfall in the past or will I use it to correct the ills in our society and contribute my own quota towards making Nigeria a better place for us all to inhabit? Time will tell.

Power they say corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Why does having power and money translate to lording it over the other who does not have? Why does it translate to the ‘money-less’ and powerless feeling the full weight of brutality and uncaring attitude from the powerful?
In a marriage where two have sworn before God and man that they will love and cherish, honour and protect through sickness and health, be there for each other, how bad does it get that those vows just don’t mean a thing anymore? Surely if it is not working out, each one can go their separate ways without fear or favour and without rancour. If the husband has the power over the wife as the head of the home and she has to submit to his will, why then will he not use that power for good and not evil? I believe it is unfair not to allow your wife/spouse to explore her own dreams, if she wants to (for those who would rather stay home and then have tea at cactus by noon time every day, I say good luck). She too needs to be fulfilled apart from being a wife and mother, maybe she wants to fly over the moon, who knows.
A single mother also faces challenges in that she is alone without the “support” of a stable man whom she can call hers; she also wants to provide for herself and her child without having to compromise. Here comes the one she thinks will be there for her and her child but he has another at home who has borne him children. He has the power and the money to give you that ‘castle in the air’ but you must be subject to his rules and regulations, nothing  goes for nothing , no visitors to the house (whether male or female), no outings unless you have given 3weeks notice, while he does as he pleases and this is meant to be love?
In the work place it is no different, power holds sway here and you must ‘bend’ to the rules or be shown the door. You must let your ‘oga’ fondle you whenever he so wishes or be relegated to the filing section. You must be willing to do the unthinkable just to show you are worthy of the position you got. If perchance a woman with beauty, brains and brawn gets to the pinnacle of success in her career, her own power is attributed to her backside.
Why must there always be a Sword of Damocles hanging over one when you do not have power and money?  Proverbs 3:27 says “Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it”. Having power and money and using it for a greater good will make the world a much better place for all, it would rid the world of evil and heal the pains that so many go through on a daily basis. It would bring blessings untold to the giver and succour to the receiver. Power is also transient and can at anytime be taken away by Him who has the real power, God Almighty.

I dedicate this article to these two wonderful women (Christy Essiens Igbokwe and Titilayo Arowolo), both married, both had children, one the husband loved till death and the other the husband caused the death. I pray their gentle souls rest in perfect peace. Amen.

SOURCE: http://www.katehenshaw.com/blog